disheveled (a photo taken in the UK)

never stopping
for long
her moods
&
feet
remain on the move.

eyes
ears
mind
&
heart
all racing to
a tune
only she hears.

it must be a fast
song…
spun
by her Maker to call
her
toward His heart
bent down to
enjoy
her.

it’s definitely
a song
I need to memorize.

completely.

or
as much as I
can.

where is grace? #5 (psalm 34:18 & psalm 147:3)

where is grace?
Your grace, Lord?

is it indeed
all
around us
like water which so surrounds
a fish
that it just can't be seen?
or sensed?

where is grace? #4 (psalm 34:18 & psalm 147:3)

why, Lord,
is it so
easy
to settle for low-grade
grace?
a grace that has so
little
to it that nothing real changes?

or is that it, Lord?

is it that we want so
little
to change that we
sabotage Your grace at every step?

are we...Your followers...
enemies of Your grace?

forgive us.
forgive me!

Lord,
teach me the grace-life
&
the language of grace that
shakes
the universe.

where is grace? #3 (psalm 34:18 & psalm 147:3)

is Your grace
a non-fat
or
low-fat substance?

does Your grace need
room
in my heart for it to grow,
Lord?

have i kept You out
so successfully
for
so long
that i cannot tolerate
the full presence of Your grace?

is that why my heart
breaks
so often?
so easily?
for so little reason?

does it take the full
PRESENCE
of REAL Jesus-grace
to break a heart
for good reason?

protect me, Lord,
from a non-fat grace
that does so little that is
real.

where is grace? #2 (psalm 34:18 & psalm 147:3)

where is grace?

so little of it is seen
by eyes looking
for the latest
the best
the brightest
the fastest
the biggest...
&
all of that in church meetings
full
of so many other
substitutes
like a non-fat kind of
grace
that changes nothing.

nothing real.

are we blind, Lord?

or are we pointed in the wrong
direction?

where is grace? (psalm 34:18 & psalm 147:3)

where are You, Jesus?

where is Your grace?

are You near to
the heart
&
in the dark world
of the schizophrenic?
of the psychotic?
of the neurotic?

do they have Your
attention?

if You are not
there...
then grace is defeated
&
You are NOT near to the
brokenhearted.

these words #3

these words
on the screen
burn
more than electricity,
Lord.

not rising to the level of
poetry
instead they pray
their way into the
deep
inside my heart
then...they come
to You, Jesus.

they burn me
deep inside.

it is a good burn...
making me into
more
than i already am...
instead of
less.

is this how the bush
felt?
the one that
moses saw on mt. horeb?

turn me into
flame!

i'm okay with being
nothing
more
or
less
than flame.

there ought be a law

there oughta be
a law
against working
so hard
to impress everyone...
including You, Lord.

there oughta be
a law
against taking ourselves
so seriously...

but
i think this law is
already
on Your books...

"love one another,"
You said.

You went on,
"love one another
even as
I have loved you,"

"if you love Me,you will keep
My
commandments."

these words have hung in the
air
for 2,000 years.

still strong.

a given…choice #2…

not being
worthy…
of all the grace we get
each day is not something
Jesus
would have us focus on.

for long.

we can’t really change it

each time a person
met YaHWeH
they were told
to
pick themselves up…
to
listen…
to
take off their
shoes…
to
obey…

but…
me following Jesus
or not…
this is where YaHWeH would have
our hearts
reside…
He always says things like…
deny yourself…
take up your cross…
follow Me…
count the cost…
who will go for Us?
whom shall We send?
will you leave Me as well?
pray…
so you don’t encounter temptation.

Jesus
ALWAYS seems to call
us
to choose.

a given…choice…

that I am not
worthy…
that’s a given.

that I You, Jesus,
or not…
that’s a choice.

potty training #1 (1 corinthianns 3:1-5)

children...
we are...
just learning to go
potty
at the right place
& time.

sometimes we hit
the mark...at
other times we
miss...

then someone has
to clean us up
&
let us know
that the world is not
ending...

You do this so well,
Lord.
You tend to us like a mother
tends
her little ones.

crazy #5 (Isaiah 42:1-7)

crazy
is the man
or woman who
sees the invisible
God.

or so the world
thinks.

You
were crazy,
Lord...
for You saw the Invisible
One
everywhere.

You heard Him
in every
conversation.

You saw invisible
to us
opportunities to obey Him
in the most unlikely places.

and
You obeyed Him when
it made no sense.

crazy.

why
do we cling so hard
to our sanity,
Lord?

why
are we so afraid of
being like You,
Lord?

crazy #4 (Isaiah 42:1-7)

Lord,
Your cousin, John, was
crazy.

truly crazy.

crazy food
crazy words
crazy for YaHWeH
crazy place to preach
crazy crowds came to hear him

he even met his death by a crazy
king.

he took one look
at You, Lord,
coming
up out of Jordan's dirty
water...
he felt the wind
from the wings of
YaHWeH's Own Spirit
and
he went stark
raving mad,
"look!
look...everyone,
see YaHWeH's Own
Lamb
ready to be sacrificed!
He
alone will carry
away
the sins of the world!
once & for all!"

was Your whole family
crazy
like John?

for what it's
worth...
most people say
we
bear the family resemblance.

crazy #3 (Isaiah 42:1-7)

Jesus...
in the dark
alone
You did the necessary
death-work
that no one
else
could do.

obedient to the call of
the Father
You showed us LIFE
by dying...
You became the WAY
by cutting off
Your Own life
for us.

You made TRUE
the prophetic shout
"Death
is swallowed up
in victory!"

yet
in the depth of the deepest
obedience
ever done by anyone
in any time,
You wept out words of
abandonment...
"Why have
YOU
forsaken Me, My God?
Why?"

the heavens darkened
and
with no answer from YaHWeH
You were still crazy enough
to trust
the One Who seemed
most absent...
"Father,
into Your hands...
here is My Spirit...
it is forever
Yours."

if any of us ever has a
faith
that is crazy...
we could only have learned it
from You,
Lord.

the day after (Luke 24)

do we have it
backwards,
Lord?

we make a big deal about going
into easter celebration
remembering,
like You told us to:
Your body
broken...
Your blood poured
out...
all of this...for us!

but
on that first easter sunday...
was the REAL deal
what came next?

sunday afternoon, monday,
tuesday?

on sunday...
the women came looking to
bury You
in decency...Your
mom among them still
not believing that You
could be gone...

the formerly-demonized-mary
wept
so without hope
that You came to her
and
called her by name.

we apostles did not
believe
the women's tales of angelic
assurances of You
ALIVE...
just as you had said
so cryptically
so many times in our hearing.

or maybe You weren't being
mysterious
after all?!?

peter & john ran to
see what happened...
they returned still uncertain.

we were confused...
You were ALIVE...
NOTHING would EVER be the
same
as before.

YOU...
the I AM God of Israel
had come among us
living
and dying so like us...
loving
so UNLIKE us...and
now LIVING again.

never to die.

what does a person do
with that?

these pages #2

these words
on pages electric
burn
the air i breathe,
Lord.

they are not poetry
instead they are
prayer
visible enough to be spoken
like my heart should say
them
to You, Jesus.

let them burn me
from the inside
out
into a shape
able
to be with You
in places ELECTRIC
with Your Presence.

i want to be like You
in every way
conceivable.

should my words
burn
none other than
me
may they burn me
brightly...
may they
turn me into
flame!

crazy #2 (Isaiah 42:1-7)

how crazy were You,
Lord,
to trust us
with Yourself?
with Your mission?

we are mixed up...
so messed up
that there is
no way we have anything really together...
and You came to us
& refused to leave us.

You died
killing death on Your
way
into it
breaking open the way for us
to live the same YaHWeH-filled
LIFE
that You did.

You made room in all our
hearts
for YaHWeH’s Spirit to live
should we choose to
follow the crazy man
from nazareth…
to call You, Lord!

then after doing all this
You left us with
Your Own Spirit
&
mission.

since You were
crazy
enough to trust us,
we were
crazy
enough to try to obey.

He is risen

He is risen.

the first person to say
those words
spoke to grief stricken women
who came to give you
what any mother would want for
her dead child…
a decent burial.

but there was no
body
to treat…
there were no
guards
of which to ask permission…

it was as if
You had never died…
but
you DID die…
awfully
in public
for all to see
with
so much blood
at the end

they made a public end of
Your life…
another celebration of power
over grace…
or so we thought.

yet
in Your dying
it was as if no one else
existed
other than You and Your Abba…
we thought You
delirious
david’s terrifying psalm
written
from captivity was on Your
lips…
then You called your mother
and john
giving them a life together…
an elder son
to care for her needs…
and a new mother for john
(so young)
to love and respect.

then You were done.

or so we thought.

You had only begun to
fight…
to change the cosmos.

we did not know
Who You were
or
what You were about.

so we grieved
without hope.

until You spelled it out
for us.

crazy #1 (Isaiah 42:1-7)

crazy Jesus…
coming
to us with no defense
against
the hatred, the anger
we had for You,
Lord.

You knew us inside
& out…
so
what possessed You
to come to us armed
only
with faithfulness?
with love?
with grace?
with YaHWeH’s invisible Spirit?

what possessed You,
Lord?
were You crazy
like they said?
crazy
to obey YaHWeH’s call?
crazy
to find the weakest of us
to hold & to heal?

were You crazy,
Lord?

if so,
why aren’t we?

the devil & me #4 (James 2:19)

the devil knows
that when he rebelled
against You…
he became
Your enemy,
Lord

not having learned much
from the devil’s
example,
i act as if i can
disobey
You…
while still calling You,
“LORD.”

please, turn me...
forgive
&
heal
my foolish heart, Lord...
or else i will die…
like satan did
so long ago.

the devil & me #3 (James 2:19)

the demons shudder
at the mere
sound
of Your Name,
Lord.

they know the raw
power
of You better than
i…
far too often i
choose
to fight You like
saul of tarsus…
to run from You like
jonah…
to ignore you like
balaam…
to mimic the careless
laughter-life
of those around me.

forgive me, Lord…
for mimicking the
devil
so well.

when in fact, You are
all
i really have.

the devil & me #2 (James 2:19)

too much
like him I sound
too much
of the time…
i’m talking about the devil,
Lord.

too much
i believe in my own
ideas
of how everything should
work…
i want
what i want…
and now, please.

too often i leave off the
"please."

touch my heart,
Lord,
help me NEVER again
rebel against life.

after all, Lord,
who is more
lonely
than the devil?

who?

the devil & me #1 (James 2:19)

me
and the devil
have something
in common…
we both
believe
in Your existence,
Lord.

the devil knows
Who
You are…
in fact, he is named
satan
precisely
because he knows Your true
identity,
and
he has NOT been able to
trust.

the devil does not trust
You
with running Your
cosmos…

just like me
sometimes.

scars #7 (John 20:27)

Your scars
moved an incredulous
thomas
from disbelief to
awe,
Lord.

Your scars
broke sin’s hold on us
along with
the death-power
it once had.

Lord, Your
scars
say of me: “should he
so choose…
he is a
forgiven-man…
clean
chosen by Me
to be alive forever
close
to Me.”

someday…
i want to follow thomas'
road...
i want to
touch
Your omnipotent
scars…
not to believe
but to taste a bit of
Your heart, Lord.

and to
worship.

these pages #1

these words
on pages electric
burn
holes in my heart,
Lord.

they are not poetry…
they are
prose
&
prayer
visible to be spoken
like my heart would say
them
to You, Jesus.

let them burn me
into a shape
ready
to be with You
in courts ELECTRIC
with Your never-ending
LIGHT
LOVE
GRACE.

should my words
burn
no one other than
myself
they are still worth
igniting.

may they turn me into
flame!

scars #6 (John 20:27)

are people
themselves
ever scars, Lord?

are we Your
scars,
Lord?

when you look
at us
do You mostly see Your
pain
or
do You see our
story?

is grace so real
to You
that our
story
is what catches
Your eye, Lord?

scars #5 (John 20:27)

our scars…
Your scars, Lord,
are the script of our
hearts
writ large and visible
by the minutes of
our lives.

pity the man
the woman who have
none
at all…
for they have not
lived.

even more to be pitied
is the one who
runs
from things or
hearts
that would scar them…
for they
fear
to live.

most to be pitied
is the man
the woman
who would
erase
their scars completely…
for they would forget
what it means
to live.

You did NOT
live this way
nor did You
teach
us to live this way,
Lord.

not at all.