fire

i wonder #1

2011-08-13T09:56:00.000-07:00

i wonder if our Lord turns our self-centeredness toward a better end by just “carrying on the conversation a bit”…even if it does end in Him saying, “just obey for now…understanding will come later?!?”

i wonder if isaiah was right when he says that YaHWeH bares His Mighty Arm (rolls up His sleeves) in order to save His people?

i wonder if our Lord REALLY loves us so much that his MAIN agenda might just be US?!?

i wonder if it is thru the conversation ITSELF…that our healing & growing up comes? regardless of immediate outcomes?

after all, if the big people in our lives do not stop to have conversation with us (even if it is frustrating to them) how can we learn to take “the next step” in life?

i guess our Lord’s “everlasting mercies & patience” comes in handy when He deals with us…eh?

i wonder if our Lord really IS there when we can neither sense Him or hear His Voice?

i wonder...

how hard #2...

2010-09-28T07:34:00.000-07:00

“how hard,”
You said, “it is for a rich man
to enter YaHWeH’s kingdom.”

“the odds
are better for a camel
to get through a needle’s eye,”
You continued.

we laughed.
it was a comical image…
then
we quit laughing.
it wasn’t so funny anymore.
“Lord, who is there that CAN be saved?”
we asked.
You were quick to reply,
“God makes it possible.
there is no other way.”

really, Lord?
no OTHER way in…
than YaHWeH’s grace and mercy?
no great acts of charity can do it?

or
was that Your whole point, Lord?

at first we’d thought
You were asking the young man
to give up his money
as a sacrifice…
to earn YaHWeH’s notice…
His favor.

then
it dawned on us
that giving it ALL away
was the minimum
requirement
to join You on the road…
&
joining You, Lord,
is the ONLY way into the forever-kingdom
of YaHWeH…
the kingdom that
hums with LIFE…
full-on-LIFE!

(for the back-story
to this post...
see Mark 10:17-31)

how hard #1...

2010-09-27T07:31:00.000-07:00

in his arms #3

2010-09-22T06:20:00.000-07:00

big
people want blessings that are
quantifiable...
profitable...
&
usually impersonal.

why is this true, Lord?

is it
that mostly we don't want
to be bothered?
to be distracted?
to be handled?
or
is it as simple as the
fact
that we like to be
in control?

little
people LOVE being
handled...
held...
cuddled...

is that why You
pointed them out to us
as living pictures
of heaven?
of grace?

is that why You
insisted
on HOLDING them
as You pronounced GRACE
into their lives?

is our refusal
to stop
long enough for You
to hold us
close...
the main reason we
notice
so few of Your gifts
to us?

(for the back-story...
see Mark 10:13-16)

in His arms #2

2010-09-21T05:58:00.000-07:00

big
people see things
differently
from little people.

You knew this, Lord...
so
is that why You stopped us
as we tried
to prevent Your words of
blessing
from being spoken?

big
people think words
are cheap...

little people
know
that words can kill
or
at least make them cry.

big
people curse
life...
&
other people...
&
barriers to their plans...
&
frustrating circumstances.

little people
haven't learned
yet
to curse
although they do know
frustration...
& sadly...
cursing will come easily
to their lips
soon enough.

Lord,
Your words of blessing
exposed
our "protection"
of Your "valuable time"
as the curses
they were.

heaven
loves blessing.

death
despises it.

(for the back-story...
see Mark 10:13-16)

in His arms

2010-09-20T05:49:00.000-07:00

turned
away, Lord...
we turned them
away.

You stopped us in our
tracks
telling us that
they
were what heaven's
citizens
most resembled.

then
You held them
in Your arms
blessing
them & their lives.

squirmy
&
already dirty from their morning
travels...
they stopped their
movement
for a moment as
words
too strong for any of us
big people
to remember
much less comprehend
rolled
over their little heads.

then
once again full
of energy
they ran off to play.

heaven
stopped & noticed.
the cosmos-Maker
smiled.

indeed...
it was good!

(for the back-story...
see Mark 10:13-16 & Genesis 1:10 )

little ears #2

2010-05-27T08:00:00.000-07:00

they hear very well
those little
ears
hooked
to young minds
quick
to draw conclusions
to flinch
from us
at the sound of our
inner frustrations
boiling over.

we wish
no harm for them
in our irritations
in our momentary displeasures
spoken.

but
they do NOT know
our hearts...
all they know
is
the NOW
they inhabit.

so
we wound deeply
the little ones we
love.
the most.

little ears #1

2010-05-26T09:56:00.000-07:00

little ears
hear
our words
our tones of voice
BIG.
&
LOUD.
& LONG.

wounds great
&
embraces strong
both
are fruit of our
words
in little hearts
longing
to grow up.

help us, Lord,
to measure our tones
&
our words
to shape
well
those little hearts
that You give
to our care.

silence #7

2010-05-14T08:00:00.000-07:00

is
it in silence,
that we learn
to grieve well?
to weep completely?
to find Your deepest
heart, Lord?

is this why You have
made
our nights to be so
quiet?

is
the night-silence
a place
where Your hearts speaks
most clearly?

why
is it that so many
other voices are so
loud?

fill our silence
with
Your heart.
You
will satisfy.

silence #6

2010-05-13T08:00:00.000-07:00

is
that what our conversation
is?
really?

is it
You
turning to us
so deeply that our hearts
cry
with words not
speakable
or
hearable?

is
it You, Lord,
Who has planted so
deep
in us this need to
talk with You?

is
grief one of the
surest roads to You?

do our tears
begin
in our hearts
only
after You weep them
first?

could
this be true?

silence #5

2010-05-11T08:00:00.000-07:00

pages
turned on the dial
of our lives
by Your hand
bring no sense...
no words
readable with our
eyes...
or hearable
if even they could be
spoken.

the only words
we can truly hear
come
from inside us.
yet
even those
deep-inside words...
where do they come from?

did they begin
elsewhere?

in Your deep-inside,
Lord?

silence #4

2010-05-10T08:00:00.000-07:00

since
You are not talking
in words
we can hear...
we listen in
vain...
or do we?

if
You have no hearable
words
for our ears, Lord...

are there any
words?
at all?
any where?
ever?

silence #3

2010-05-09T08:00:00.000-07:00

the heavens
shine day & night
with
no answer...
light
is all they can say.
light
is their language...
&
ours is life.

Your heavens
shine out the silence
so loudly we
cringe.

broken
we rest.

waiting.

silence #2

2010-05-08T08:00:00.000-07:00

why?

is there a reason
good enough?
or
big enough?
at all
understandable?

intelligence
&
wisdom fall short
in any answer
they can give.

words.
endless words
are not enough.
either.

still
we ask, "Why?"
"Why, Lord?"

silence #1

2010-05-07T09:08:00.000-07:00

frightened
she almost wants to scoop
him up
&
run away
from the cancer
they say he carries
inside
his 4-year-old body.

flesh
from her flesh
heart
of her heart
he is too dear
to lose.
ever.

so
she won't.

answers

2009-11-30T09:00:00.000-08:00

heaven
will not answer
the correctness
of the calvinist
or
the arminian...

heaven
will not declare
whether or not
unknown trongues
can be spoken...

heaven
will settle
no doctrinal disputes
once
and for all...

heaven
will be about
the Lamb
slain
forever ago
& His regard for
us.

loving God's ways #2 (matthew 4:8-10)

2009-08-06T09:00:00.000-07:00

anger
&
hatred are bad
companions
to clear thinking.
the evil one has been angry
for a long time.

that day
in the desert, his anger
burned
hot.

You saw through each
deception
&
hung onto Your Abba's every
word.

he was outclassed
&
he knew it.

"fall down," he demanded,
"worship me...and all power will be
Yours!"

"get out, satan!"
"YaHWeH alone is to be worshiped."

the tempter left.
defeated.

loving YaHWeH
above all else
is the only defense that
will kill each
&
every plan of the devil.

love worships.
love wins.

hearing God's promise #2 (matthew 4:5-7)

2009-08-05T09:00:00.000-07:00

who
could possibly overlook
such a big chance?
a once-in-a-lifetime chance
to be noticed?

the tempter always knew
how
to cut corners...
to get what he
wanted.

he tried to help You
learn
the same lesson he'd taught
adam
&
eve.

he did not understand
one
very important thing about
You...
after 40 days of hanging out
with YaHWeH's Spirit,
testing God was the
LAST
thing you would want to do.

ever.

instead You waited on YaHWeH
one more time
to speak with You.

His words are
Life.
everything else is
less.

making bread #2 (matthew 4:3-4)

2009-08-04T09:00:00.000-07:00

alone
&
hungry...
to hate-filled eyes
You looked vulnerable.

You needed bread.
food.
after 40 days
even an old crust
would do.

hatred
blinds even the most clever
of thinkers.
satan
was no exception.

"make bread,"
he said, "You can do this."
"You should do this to
prove
You are YaHWeH's Son."

so
You proved Yourself to be the
ONLY
BEGOTTEN Son of YaHWeH
by NOT making bread...
by relying on God's words
for food.

the stones were
safe
for another day.

loving God's ways (matthew 4:8-10)

2009-08-02T09:00:00.000-07:00

alone
powerless
You were offered...
every
kingship on earth
&
all power here
to go with it.

the price You would pay
for all this?
simple...
worshiping anything, anyone
other than
YaHWeH...
in specific:
bow oneself to God's enemy.

this
is the always-choice
we each
face.

suddenly
&
with growing force
in Your heart
these words grew huge...
"Hear,
O Israel,
you shall love the LORD
with ALL..."

these words
burned
their way through Your
heart
onto Your lips.

into satan's face
they flew...
killers
all & each of the
darkness
dripping
out of him.

FINALLY...
a man stood on the earth
Who could force
satan
to back down!

the DAY began to
shine
for us all!

hearing God's promise (matthew 4:5-7)

2009-08-01T09:00:00.000-07:00

unknown
You were asked to
show
some of Your real glory so that
amazement
would bring people into
the Light of God.

instead
You waited again for YaHWeH's
Voice
to speak.

in the fire of being
tested
most severely
You refused to
test
Your Own Abba.

more light
breaking
out over the deep dark.

killing it.

obedience
always trumps
power.

making bread (matthew 4:3-4)

2009-07-31T09:00:00.000-07:00

hungry
You were approached to make
bread
which was nowhere to be found from
stones
which were everywhere.

it was doable.

after all
at the start of THE
Beginning
You made the cosmos
out of nothing by
talking
about it.

it WAS doable.

hungry
You waited
for Your Abba's kind
provision.

even though Your hunger was
strong
Your heart for YaHWeH was
stronger.

so
You waited.

Satan failed...

the first real ray of
the newest dawn
ever
burst out over a dark land.

the Presence #2 (Mark 9:37)

2009-07-18T08:00:00.000-07:00

moses quivered...
isaiah screamed, "woe is me!"
Paul was
speechless...
John
saw a massive throne
isolated
in absolute light-fire...

all these men
were stunned by Your
Presence, Lord.

but the little ones
crowded
around You...even when we
tried
to stop them.

the little ones
crowd
our lives with their cries.
their hearts.
their tears.
their shouting laughter.

we
think them to be merely
small people.

but Jesus...
You told us that they carry You
inside them.

each one.

wrestling with God #2 (Mark 9 & Genesis 32)

2009-07-17T08:00:00.000-07:00

playing...
acting like we're fighting
is so fun...
why is that, Lord?

little grand-girls
climbing
all over me to
pin
me to the rug...
what
could be better than
this?

memories
of our own little ones
starting this
tradition
fill
& warm me.

all this...
a gift from Your heart,
Lord...

after all,
You
are the very same
YaHWeH
Who met Jacob
by the brook
to "play-fight" all night long
just
so You could
bless him.

what fun for You!

wrestling with God #1 (Mark 9 & Genesis 32)

2009-07-16T08:00:00.000-07:00

unlike Jacob...
i am looking
forward
to meeting You,
Lord.

on the wrestling
mat...
in my living room.

i expect You to walk
in
on two sets of
little-girl-legs.
ready.
for action.

i will wrestle
with them
&
You
as long as You
want.

what joy!
&
crazy fun!
is there any that is
greater?

the Presence (Mark 9:37)

2009-07-15T21:00:00.000-07:00

here You come,
Lord.
right into our house...
sleeping
in the second bedroom...
then awake
loudly & noisily...
shouting
laughing
&
crying.

is this
truly the Presence
of the Living God?
the YaHWeH of Israel?

when
You walked among us,
You told us,
"to welcome one of these
little ones
is to welcome Me."

i believe You.

pickle grace

2009-06-11T09:00:00.000-07:00

he's 5 years old
&
way
too young to lose
his daddy.

where is Your grace
in this,
Lord?

will daddy still need to get
shots?
can i hug his ashes?
can i kiss his ashes?
his questions each & all...

mom
trying to answer
each
with truth
that crushes her heart
even as her words
break into the air.

satisfied
in some 5 year-old way
he asks,

"can i have some more pickles?"

it seems, Lord,
that Your grace is in
the pickles.

shining grace

2009-06-10T09:00:00.000-07:00

she said
she saw a light
as her husband-friend
was dying.

our dear friend was
gifted
by You, Lord,
with a sight she sorely
needed.

then when her husband-friend
left
her to come to You...
she said
she saw him.
whole.
standing.
holding someone's hand.
she did not know
whose hand
it was.

was it Yours,
Lord?

broken grace #4 (2 Cor. 12)

2009-06-09T09:00:00.000-07:00

is your grace
broken,
Lord?

or just invisible
most of the time?

tho' we seldom see
You...
we
have never wept
alone...
never
have we cleaned up
a pain-wracked loved one
all
by ourselves...
tho' it often seems that way.

Your hands
cover our own
touching
everything we touch.

You taste
each
one of our tears.

this is grace,
i think.

true grace.

broken grace #3 (2 Cor. 12)

2009-06-08T09:00:00.000-07:00

is Your grace
broken,
Lord?

is it unable
to be present in the face
of great suffering?
a suffering that
steals
our dignity?

where are You,
Lord,
in those dark nights?

when we survive
loss,
our own pain
&
that of our loved ones...
is our survival
true grace?
or not?

did we survive?
well, yes...
but
is THIS what grace is?
true grace?

tho' it be
dark...
it is a true grace
to live,
i think.

even in grief.

even in the dark.

broken grace #2 (2 Cor. 12)

2009-06-07T09:01:00.000-07:00

is Your grace
broken,
Lord?

watching
helplessly
we wonder about You,
Lord...
about Your grace
&
our so-sick friend.

where is grace?
where are You?

then
we understand exactly
how Your grace
came
here today.

in us.

why us, Lord?
why us?

broken grace #1 (2 Cor. 12)

2009-06-06T09:00:00.000-07:00

is Your grace
broken,
Lord?

i see my friend
dying...
his wife kissing
his head...
telling
him she loves him.

i think
i see Your grace
there
even though i am not
so much comfortable
with its
shape.

but there You are
sharing
in our misery.

a well-loved daughter (next version)

2009-06-05T09:00:00.001-07:00

charity, the faithful
girl
who did not quit
fighting
through the deep
dark
of despair
to find Jesus already
looking
for her.

faithfulness' tutor is
dark trouble
leading to
joy.

only the truly faithful
can hold onto joy
for long.
at all.

a well-loved daughter

2009-06-05T09:00:00.000-07:00

sarah, the brave
girl
who raised her
daughters
to be brave.

bravery's tutor is
conflict
leading to peace.

only the brave
can maintain
real peace
for long.
at all.

inconvenient Jesus #1 (john 1)

2009-06-04T11:00:00.000-07:00

Jesus
is never convenient.

while He is intimately
close...
He takes away
our peace
to give us
His.

grace & the status quo #6 (john 1 & 3)

2009-05-23T09:00:00.000-07:00

by night he
came
looking for answers
to You
healing sick people...
freeing
the demonized...
preaching a good news version
of the torah
no one had heard for a
very long time.

You spoke of the YaHWeH-Spirit
leading
You & anyone else who would
listen...
who would obey
His Voice.

YaHWeH's Spirit blowing like the
wind
&
You elevated like
Moses' brass snake
giving LIFE
to anyone who would really
SEE You.

like all of us
accustomed to the status quo
he did not understand.

grace & the status quo #5 (john 1 & 3)

2009-05-22T09:00:00.000-07:00

Lord,
from the beginning
where You
were busy making
everything from
nothing...
grace in You has always
reigned.

so invisible is the
touch
of your grace
that we mistake
luck
skill
intelligence
(usually our own)
for it.

we forget that
no luck
nor skill
nor intelligence
of our own has ever made
one quantum of
light...
neither have we ever been able
to push back any
evil
for long at all.

grace & the status quo #4 (john 1 & 3)

2009-05-21T09:00:00.000-07:00

never static, Your
grace
moves to destroy
all
the death & hatred
we accept every day.

our normal...
is what grace seeks to
destroy
so
life
can break through.

You shatter us, Lord,
then...
You remake us on
the inside
&
out.

grace
disturbs each
&
all of us!

grace & the status quo #3 (john 1 & 3)

2009-05-20T09:00:00.000-07:00

"how can this be?"

this is
an old question
to the new
grace
offered to us
in Yourself.

a theologian like Nicodemus
totally
missed it...
how could he not?
nothing like You,
Lord,
had ever come so close to us
before.

you were the one-and-only-Emmanuel...
the God-with-us
Who shattered each
&
every
status quo we had ever lived
through.

You were the One God
Who always accepted our
worship
but never demanded it!
instead...
what You asked of us
was
a denying of self,
a shouldering of
the grace-cross,
a walking of the difficult grace-road...
with You.

grace is
tough!

tougher than
sin & death.

grace & the status quo #2 (john 1 & 3)

2009-05-19T09:00:00.000-07:00

the noise of their
battle
echoes each morning
of our lives.

the sound of
grace
fighting the various status quos
of our lives.

even as the sun
rises
to end nights
reign...
so grace rises
battle-ready to deal death to
death...
to free the
captive...
to give a new song
to the
hopeless
all around us.

grace & the status quo (john 1 & 3)

2009-05-18T09:00:00.000-07:00

grace
is always the deadly
enemy
of every status quo
in the here
in the now of our lives.

until we find You waiting
for us
at the end of this life,
Lord,
every status quo attacks
grace
with a deep hatred.

in You, Lord,
grace came walking into
our lives
raising dead people...
offering deep freedom to
those held captive by every
dark force.

in You, Lord,
grace became
GRACE
shattering all the
old sleepy
deadly comforts the
status quo
offers.

where is Jesus? (john 1) #2

2009-05-17T09:00:00.000-07:00

Lord,
you gave us the
pattern
for every one of our
conversations...
our dialogues...
when You came to us as
God's Living WORD...
God's conversation
with us.

to enter into
real conversation...
to truly
participate
in authentic dialogue is
to follow Your pattern, Lord,
in looking for us
long before we look for You.

You bring the unseeable
YaHWeH into our view.

God's words
burn
their way
deep
into our hearts
by You BEING His WORD!
we could SEE God's WORD sweat
weep
rage
&
raise the dead!

in You, we could see
our God as
active
living
never content with
the status quo.

where is Jesus? (john 1)

2009-05-16T09:00:00.000-07:00

let's keep our dialogue open...

why?

Jesus is in every dialogue...
whenever
we welcome Him
and
even before.

He is Himself
the beginner of the
greatest
dialogue ever…
the WORD
becoming one of
us
so we could hear
see
touch
&
even taste Him.

hell is...

2009-05-15T09:00:00.000-07:00

hell is
to fall so deeply into
myself
that I lose all connection
with You, Lord…
and
every other living being…
to become
opaque...
so dangerous to every other
living thing
that hell is Your last
best effort
at saving the best
from the
worst.

heaven is...

2009-05-14T09:00:00.000-07:00

heaven is
NOT
just fun & games...

heaven means
peeling back all my
layers
so as to be more & more
transparent…
naked
in Your Very Presence,
Lord.

growing up...

2009-05-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

growing up is
becoming free
from my old self
NOT
disconnected
but rather free
from the need to be
first
or to be in power…
in control…

growing up
is what You showed us,
Lord.

everyday
You followed Your Father
no matter the cost...
this is what
either
small children
or
grown up adults
do!

life is…

2009-05-12T09:31:00.000-07:00

life is
being connected
to You, Lord…
to others
and
finally to myself…
in such a
way
that i grow up

flower girl (from a photo taken in the UK)

2009-05-01T09:00:00.000-07:00

always
looking for flowers
to pluck
to make a bouquet
fresh
for mommy,
daddy, mamma, meme,
naomi, auntie, a papa…
or
whoever is near.

i think she sees them
in her head long
before
her eyes rest on them.

then all that is necessary
is finding the place
her heart
has already seen
so
she can do the thing
her heart
has already done…
give itself
away.

so real
are her flower-visions
that her little sister has
learned
to see with the same
eyes.

disheveled (a photo taken in the UK)

2009-04-30T14:30:00.000-07:00

never stopping
for long
her moods
&
feet
remain on the move.

eyes
ears
mind
&
heart
all racing to
a tune
only she hears.

it must be a fast
song…
spun
by her Maker to call
her
toward His heart
bent down to
enjoy
her.

it’s definitely
a song
I need to memorize.

completely.

or
as much as I
can.

where is grace? #5 (psalm 34:18 & psalm 147:3)

2009-04-29T09:00:00.000-07:00

where is grace?
Your grace, Lord?

is it indeed
all
around us
like water which so surrounds
a fish
that it just can't be seen?
or sensed?

where is grace? #4 (psalm 34:18 & psalm 147:3)

2009-04-28T09:00:00.000-07:00

why, Lord,
is it so
easy
to settle for low-grade
grace?
a grace that has so
little
to it that nothing real changes?

or is that it, Lord?

is it that we want so
little
to change that we
sabotage Your grace at every step?

are we...Your followers...
enemies of Your grace?

forgive us.
forgive me!

Lord,
teach me the grace-life
&
the language of grace that
shakes
the universe.

where is grace? #3 (psalm 34:18 & psalm 147:3)

2009-04-27T09:00:00.000-07:00

is Your grace
a non-fat
or
low-fat substance?

does Your grace need
room
in my heart for it to grow,
Lord?

have i kept You out
so successfully
for
so long
that i cannot tolerate
the full presence of Your grace?

is that why my heart
breaks
so often?
so easily?
for so little reason?

does it take the full
PRESENCE
of REAL Jesus-grace
to break a heart
for good reason?

protect me, Lord,
from a non-fat grace
that does so little that is
real.

where is grace? #2 (psalm 34:18 & psalm 147:3)

2009-04-26T09:00:00.000-07:00

where is grace?

so little of it is seen
by eyes looking
for the latest
the best
the brightest
the fastest
the biggest...
&
all of that in church meetings
full
of so many other
substitutes
like a non-fat kind of
grace
that changes nothing.

nothing real.

are we blind, Lord?

or are we pointed in the wrong
direction?

where is grace? (psalm 34:18 & psalm 147:3)

2009-04-25T09:00:00.000-07:00

where are You, Jesus?

where is Your grace?

are You near to
the heart
&
in the dark world
of the schizophrenic?
of the psychotic?
of the neurotic?

do they have Your
attention?

if You are not
there...
then grace is defeated
&
You are NOT near to the
brokenhearted.

these words #3

2009-04-24T09:00:00.000-07:00

these words
on the screen
burn
more than electricity,
Lord.

not rising to the level of
poetry
instead they pray
their way into the
deep
inside my heart
then...they come
to You, Jesus.

they burn me
deep inside.

it is a good burn...
making me into
more
than i already am...
instead of
less.

is this how the bush
felt?
the one that
moses saw on mt. horeb?

turn me into
flame!

i'm okay with being
nothing
more
or
less
than flame.

there ought be a law

2009-04-23T09:00:00.000-07:00

there oughta be
a law
against working
so hard
to impress everyone...
including You, Lord.

there oughta be
a law
against taking ourselves
so seriously...

but
i think this law is
already
on Your books...

"love one another,"
You said.

You went on,
"love one another
even as
I have loved you,"

"if you love Me,you will keep
My
commandments."

these words have hung in the
air
for 2,000 years.

still strong.

a given…choice #2…

2009-04-21T09:00:00.000-07:00

not being
worthy…
of all the grace we get
each day is not something
Jesus
would have us focus on.

for long.

we can’t really change it

each time a person
met YaHWeH
they were told
to
pick themselves up…
to
listen…
to
take off their
shoes…
to
obey…

but…
me following Jesus
or not…
this is where YaHWeH would have
our hearts
reside…
He always says things like…
deny yourself…
take up your cross…
follow Me…
count the cost…
who will go for Us?
whom shall We send?
will you leave Me as well?
pray…
so you don’t encounter temptation.

Jesus
ALWAYS seems to call
us
to choose.

a given…choice…

2009-04-20T09:00:00.000-07:00

that I am not
worthy…
that’s a given.

that I You, Jesus,
or not…
that’s a choice.

potty training #1 (1 corinthianns 3:1-5)

2009-04-19T09:00:00.000-07:00

children...
we are...
just learning to go
potty
at the right place
& time.

sometimes we hit
the mark...at
other times we
miss...

then someone has
to clean us up
&
let us know
that the world is not
ending...

You do this so well,
Lord.
You tend to us like a mother
tends
her little ones.

crazy #5 (Isaiah 42:1-7)

2009-04-18T09:00:00.000-07:00

crazy
is the man
or woman who
sees the invisible
God.

or so the world
thinks.

You
were crazy,
Lord...
for You saw the Invisible
One
everywhere.

You heard Him
in every
conversation.

You saw invisible
to us
opportunities to obey Him
in the most unlikely places.

and
You obeyed Him when
it made no sense.

crazy.

why
do we cling so hard
to our sanity,
Lord?

why
are we so afraid of
being like You,
Lord?

crazy #4 (Isaiah 42:1-7)

2009-04-17T09:00:00.000-07:00

Lord,
Your cousin, John, was
crazy.

truly crazy.

crazy food
crazy words
crazy for YaHWeH
crazy place to preach
crazy crowds came to hear him

he even met his death by a crazy
king.

he took one look
at You, Lord,
coming
up out of Jordan's dirty
water...
he felt the wind
from the wings of
YaHWeH's Own Spirit
and
he went stark
raving mad,
"look!
look...everyone,
see YaHWeH's Own
Lamb
ready to be sacrificed!
He
alone will carry
away
the sins of the world!
once & for all!"

was Your whole family
crazy
like John?

for what it's
worth...
most people say
we
bear the family resemblance.

crazy #3 (Isaiah 42:1-7)

2009-04-16T09:00:00.000-07:00

Jesus...
in the dark
alone
You did the necessary
death-work
that no one
else
could do.

obedient to the call of
the Father
You showed us LIFE
by dying...
You became the WAY
by cutting off
Your Own life
for us.

You made TRUE
the prophetic shout
"Death
is swallowed up
in victory!"

yet
in the depth of the deepest
obedience
ever done by anyone
in any time,
You wept out words of
abandonment...
"Why have
YOU
forsaken Me, My God?
Why?"

the heavens darkened
and
with no answer from YaHWeH
You were still crazy enough
to trust
the One Who seemed
most absent...
"Father,
into Your hands...
here is My Spirit...
it is forever
Yours."

if any of us ever has a
faith
that is crazy...
we could only have learned it
from You,
Lord.

the day after (Luke 24)

2009-04-15T09:00:00.000-07:00

do we have it
backwards,
Lord?

we make a big deal about going
into easter celebration
remembering,
like You told us to:
Your body
broken...
Your blood poured
out...
all of this...for us!

but
on that first easter sunday...
was the REAL deal
what came next?

sunday afternoon, monday,
tuesday?

on sunday...
the women came looking to
bury You
in decency...Your
mom among them still
not believing that You
could be gone...

the formerly-demonized-mary
wept
so without hope
that You came to her
and
called her by name.

we apostles did not
believe
the women's tales of angelic
assurances of You
ALIVE...
just as you had said
so cryptically
so many times in our hearing.

or maybe You weren't being
mysterious
after all?!?

peter & john ran to
see what happened...
they returned still uncertain.

we were confused...
You were ALIVE...
NOTHING would EVER be the
same
as before.

YOU...
the I AM God of Israel
had come among us
living
and dying so like us...
loving
so UNLIKE us...and
now LIVING again.

never to die.

what does a person do
with that?

these pages #2

2009-04-14T09:00:00.000-07:00

these words
on pages electric
burn
the air i breathe,
Lord.

they are not poetry
instead they are
prayer
visible enough to be spoken
like my heart should say
them
to You, Jesus.

let them burn me
from the inside
out
into a shape
able
to be with You
in places ELECTRIC
with Your Presence.

i want to be like You
in every way
conceivable.

should my words
burn
none other than
me
may they burn me
brightly...
may they
turn me into
flame!

crazy #2 (Isaiah 42:1-7)

2009-04-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

how crazy were You,
Lord,
to trust us
with Yourself?
with Your mission?

we are mixed up...
so messed up
that there is
no way we have anything really together...
and You came to us
& refused to leave us.

You died
killing death on Your
way
into it
breaking open the way for us
to live the same YaHWeH-filled
LIFE
that You did.

You made room in all our
hearts
for YaHWeH’s Spirit to live
should we choose to
follow the crazy man
from nazareth…
to call You, Lord!

then after doing all this
You left us with
Your Own Spirit
&
mission.

since You were
crazy
enough to trust us,
we were
crazy
enough to try to obey.

He is risen

2009-04-12T07:09:00.000-07:00

He is risen.

the first person to say
those words
spoke to grief stricken women
who came to give you
what any mother would want for
her dead child…
a decent burial.

but there was no
body
to treat…
there were no
guards
of which to ask permission…

it was as if
You had never died…
but
you DID die…
awfully
in public
for all to see
with
so much blood
at the end

they made a public end of
Your life…
another celebration of power
over grace…
or so we thought.

yet
in Your dying
it was as if no one else
existed
other than You and Your Abba…
we thought You
delirious
david’s terrifying psalm
written
from captivity was on Your
lips…
then You called your mother
and john
giving them a life together…
an elder son
to care for her needs…
and a new mother for john
(so young)
to love and respect.

then You were done.

or so we thought.

You had only begun to
fight…
to change the cosmos.

we did not know
Who You were
or
what You were about.

so we grieved
without hope.

until You spelled it out
for us.

crazy #1 (Isaiah 42:1-7)

2009-04-11T09:00:00.000-07:00

crazy Jesus…
coming
to us with no defense
against
the hatred, the anger
we had for You,
Lord.

You knew us inside
& out…
so
what possessed You
to come to us armed
only
with faithfulness?
with love?
with grace?
with YaHWeH’s invisible Spirit?

what possessed You,
Lord?
were You crazy
like they said?
crazy
to obey YaHWeH’s call?
crazy
to find the weakest of us
to hold & to heal?

were You crazy,
Lord?

if so,
why aren’t we?

the devil & me #4 (James 2:19)

2009-04-10T09:00:00.000-07:00

the devil knows
that when he rebelled
against You…
he became
Your enemy,
Lord

not having learned much
from the devil’s
example,
i act as if i can
disobey
You…
while still calling You,
“LORD.”

please, turn me...
forgive
&
heal
my foolish heart, Lord...
or else i will die…
like satan did
so long ago.

the devil & me #3 (James 2:19)

2009-04-09T09:00:00.000-07:00

the demons shudder
at the mere
sound
of Your Name,
Lord.

they know the raw
power
of You better than
i…
far too often i
choose
to fight You like
saul of tarsus…
to run from You like
jonah…
to ignore you like
balaam…
to mimic the careless
laughter-life
of those around me.

forgive me, Lord…
for mimicking the
devil
so well.

when in fact, You are
all
i really have.

the devil & me #2 (James 2:19)

2009-04-08T09:00:00.000-07:00

too much
like him I sound
too much
of the time…
i’m talking about the devil,
Lord.

too much
i believe in my own
ideas
of how everything should
work…
i want
what i want…
and now, please.

too often i leave off the
"please."

touch my heart,
Lord,
help me NEVER again
rebel against life.

after all, Lord,
who is more
lonely
than the devil?

who?

the devil & me #1 (James 2:19)

2009-04-07T09:00:00.000-07:00

me
and the devil
have something
in common…
we both
believe
in Your existence,
Lord.

the devil knows
Who
You are…
in fact, he is named
satan
precisely
because he knows Your true
identity,
and
he has NOT been able to
trust.

the devil does not trust
You
with running Your
cosmos…

just like me
sometimes.

scars #7 (John 20:27)

2009-04-06T09:00:00.000-07:00

Your scars
moved an incredulous
thomas
from disbelief to
awe,
Lord.

Your scars
broke sin’s hold on us
along with
the death-power
it once had.

Lord, Your
scars
say of me: “should he
so choose…
he is a
forgiven-man…
clean
chosen by Me
to be alive forever
close
to Me.”

someday…
i want to follow thomas'
road...
i want to
touch
Your omnipotent
scars…
not to believe
but to taste a bit of
Your heart, Lord.

and to
worship.

these pages #1

2009-04-05T09:00:00.000-07:00

these words
on pages electric
burn
holes in my heart,
Lord.

they are not poetry…
they are
prose
&
prayer
visible to be spoken
like my heart would say
them
to You, Jesus.

let them burn me
into a shape
ready
to be with You
in courts ELECTRIC
with Your never-ending
LIGHT
LOVE
GRACE.

should my words
burn
no one other than
myself
they are still worth
igniting.

may they turn me into
flame!

scars #6 (John 20:27)

2009-04-04T09:00:00.001-07:00

are people
themselves
ever scars, Lord?

are we Your
scars,
Lord?

when you look
at us
do You mostly see Your
pain
or
do You see our
story?

is grace so real
to You
that our
story
is what catches
Your eye, Lord?

scars #5 (John 20:27)

2009-04-03T09:00:00.001-07:00

our scars…
Your scars, Lord,
are the script of our
hearts
writ large and visible
by the minutes of
our lives.

pity the man
the woman who have
none
at all…
for they have not
lived.

even more to be pitied
is the one who
runs
from things or
hearts
that would scar them…
for they
fear
to live.

most to be pitied
is the man
the woman
who would
erase
their scars completely…
for they would forget
what it means
to live.

You did NOT
live this way
nor did You
teach
us to live this way,
Lord.

not at all.

sweet anger (Proverbs 12:16)

2009-03-03T09:00:00.000-08:00

it burns
so clean…
that we mistake
what
is burning.

we miss our
dying
even as we feel the
burst
of anger’s joy…

anger does have a joy
so sweet as to defy
description.

anger, Lord,
much of the time is a
drug
to us…but
to You anger is only a sad
reminder
of our brokenness
as we
burn
one another in melancholy
payment
of wrongs real
and imagined.

all past.

Jesus-ideas #2 (John 1:14)

2009-03-02T09:00:00.001-08:00

just
thinking
about You, Jesus, is
safe.

on the other hand...

relationships aren’t so
safe.

spending time
with
You is far more difficult
than spending time
on
You, Lord.

as a subject of study…
or of songs...
or of work...
You are safe,
Lord…

however
as my Lord…and my
closer-than-a-brother-friend
You are NOT so safe…
since
with friends & brothers
there is give and
take.

a lot of listening goes into
connecting
with a Lord
&
a brother.

there really is no such thing as a
quick
relationship, is there,
Lord?

Jesus-ideas #1 (John 1:14)

2009-03-01T09:00:00.000-08:00

we all like the
idea
of You,
Jesus…
maybe more than WHO
You were…and WHO
You are.

to relate to You
as Lord…
and
as brother
is much more difficult
than simply
thinking
about You.

tough things #4 (Deuteronomy 6)

2009-02-28T09:00:00.000-08:00

it's so
tough
NOT to be God
that You decided we needed
lifelong
lessons on our
non-God-ness.

is that right,
Lord?

why do we SO
want
to be Your equal?

do we really wish on
ourselves
the power of
death?
life?

do we really wish the
power of time
was in our hands?

do we so want to
judge
the universe that we
forget
how little we
know?

are we really that insane,
Lord?

tough things #3 (Deuteronomy 6)

2009-02-27T09:00:00.000-08:00

it's tough
NOT
to be God...

especially when
hatred
burns an anger-trail
inside us...a mile wide
and
we curse over
NOT
controlling the universe.

who
other than You,
Lord,
is worthy
of being God?

who, Lord?

tough things #2 (Deuteronomy 6)

2009-02-26T09:00:00.000-08:00

it's tough
NOT
to be God.

but
even tougher
to be like Him,
as any parent
knows.

unlike You,
Lord...
we have no ability
to control
the lives of our children...

yet

like You...
we are often ignored by them
until
they run out of
something important.

tough things #1 (Deuteronomy 6)

2009-02-25T09:00:00.001-08:00

it's tough
NOT
to be God...

any two-year-old
can tell you
this...along with
the rest of
us
when we are overwhelmed
with anger
or a greed
of any other kind.

who
can be trusted
to be God?

who, Lord?

anyone other than You,
Lord?

YaHWeH's Job #7 (Psalm 50:21)

2009-02-24T09:00:00.000-08:00

Lord,
do our prayers sound something like this?

“Lord, make my life easy
make it simple
make the truth into
an elastic thing…
whenever I need it to be that way.”

or are those types
of requests
the self-taken task of the Evil
One?

why, Lord,
do we so often
agree with our Enemy
about You?

are we insane?

YaHWeH's Job #6 (Psalm 50:21)

2009-02-23T09:00:00.000-08:00

what should You be
doing, Lord?

we think
peace...
our idea of peace
is what the world
needs:
if only everybody
could just get
along.

why don't You
MAKE
it happen, Lord?
You have the power,
right?

but
there is a deeper thing than
all this...
an order
in all that is...
everywhere.

deep inside, we know
this to be
true.

we know
there is a rhythm
in which You lead the whole
cosmos...
that
You wish to install in our soul.

your rhythm is the only
shalom
that can remake
everything.

overwhelm our resistance,
Lord.

overwhelm us.

woo us into Your great
dance.

YaHWeH's Job #5 (Psalm 50:21)

2009-02-22T09:00:00.000-08:00

what is it,
Lord,
that You do in Your
day job?

do You laugh at us?
or
with us?

play games with us?
weep for us?
grieve over us?
enjoy us?
much at all?

are You concerned
for us?

do You even notice us
except in
anger?

the evidence is in...

Jesus,
You are ALL the evidence there
is.

You came to us with
YaHWeH's full-force-love
inside You...
spilling out of
You
all over us...and
it didn't matter to You
who drank of it...

Jew...
Gentile...
believer...
pagan...
poor...
rich...
strong...
weak...
You loved all & each
of us
regardless of our
packaging.

YaHWeH's Job #4 (Psalm 50:21)

2009-02-21T09:00:00.000-08:00

what
is Your job,
Lord?

i mean...after
You created the cosmos...
what have You
been up to?

what
are You up to?

is all this
just a grab for
a bunch of thank you notes
from us finite folk?
are You looking
to have choirs & bands
telling everyone how
cool You are?

from time to time
it feels that way...
and
i know we act that way
giving praise out of
duty &
fear of bad
consequences
if we hold
back.

do we think
we can out-sing
the stars?

do we think
we can out-shout
the oceans?

do we think
we can out-paint
the sky's breath
at day's end?

You get so much
advice from us...
about everything,
Lord.

please love us anyway & forgive...

am i getting warm,
Lord?

YaHWeH's Job #3 (Psalm 50:21, the Message)

2009-02-20T09:00:00.001-08:00

we think,
You, Lord, are just like
us...
only bigger maybe
or
a little bit smarter.

we say
You are good...
but
we act like You're a bully
so fearful are we of
Your plans for us.

are we fearful because we
have seen so much
mayhem?
grief?
tragedy?

or is it
deeper
&
simpler than that,
Lord?

how could we have forgotten
that the most repeated
command to people in scripture
is,
"Don't be afraid."

YaHWeH's Job #2 (Psalm 50:21)

2009-02-19T09:00:00.000-08:00

our theology
gives the Almighty
a job description shaped by
our best minds
and
our lowest prejudices.

why else
would our prayers make us sound
like
spoiled children
demanding
their own way?

the stunning thing is
that You
do not disown us...
nor do You
ignore us...
instead
You wait for us
to come around,
Lord.

YaHWeH's Job #1 (Psalm 50:21)

2009-02-18T09:00:00.000-08:00

Lord,
we
have always believed Your job
to be about
doing OUR will...
fixing
OUR lives.

so when You
did
show up here
among us,
You looked so much
like just another fast food
clerk...or
maybe a paramedic
that we missed WHO
You were...ARE...

only now do we begin
to see You...
to understand Your deep
grace.

we are blind &
short-sighted people...
forgive us,
Lord.

first #3

2009-02-11T09:00:00.000-08:00

each meeting
of hearts and faces
is
an invention of the One
Who invented everything else
good...

kinda hard to believe...but
even harder
to NOT believe.

first, You make us,
Lord...
then, You help us
find
each other...
finding
in each other some
thing
that is missing
in Your original making
of us.

did You leave some
thing
out on purpose,
Lord?

or
did You just insert
such a wanting
in us
that forever we
would search...
if we could?

scars #4 (John 20:27)

2009-02-10T09:00:00.000-08:00

why?

why, Lord?

why did You
let us get
to You?

you didn't have to...
i imagine that things
were probably going rather
well in heaven
without us,
Lord.

but...You noticed
us.
you took pity on us...
showing up
so much like us
that Your scars looked
just like ours.

except deeper...
each inscribed by love for
us...
none of them
a result of just looking
the wrong way...at
the wrong time.

love, grace & truth...
all & each
NEVER occur
here
accidentally...they
ALWAYS come from
a choice.

so i guess that means
You chose
freely
each one of Your scars...
didn't You,
Lord?

scars #3 (John 20:27)

2009-02-09T09:00:00.000-08:00

are people themselves
ever
scars?

they do leave their
marks on
our bodies
our hearts
our histories.

are we Your
scars,
Lord?

when You look
at us...
do You think that?

when You look
at us...
do You mostly see
your pain
or
do You see
our story...
with You in it?

i think the latter,
to be the truest,
Lord.

scars #2 (John 20:27)

2009-02-08T09:00:00.001-08:00

when You
look at the body
You lived in
for our sakes
so we could
see
You down here…
what do You
see?

remember?

do You
remember
the names
the ranks
the faces of Your
torturers?

do You
remember
the pain You
endured…for us?

after all, those scars
identify
you as the
ONE
Who is FULL
of grace
and
of truth.

scars #1 (John 20:27)

2009-02-07T09:00:00.000-08:00

the marks on
our bodies
tell
our story in a way
nothing else
can.

past pain...
hurt,
cuts,
bruises,
bones broken,
burns & scrapes...
all
leave their mark...

am i right,
Lord?

what about
Your scars?

what do YOU
remember
about them,
Lord?

doing little (Matthew 4)

2009-02-06T09:00:00.000-08:00

doing
so little as to
not
be noticed
or missed...
or significant to someone
else
is what we
as a people
seem to value...
isn't it,
Lord?

just
kinda getting
by.

well, except when
we get a chance
for an appearance
on a reality show.

which isn't very
real...

then...
we'll do any
thing.

is that
what satan tried
to do to You in
the desert,
Lord?

i thot so!

first #2

2009-02-05T14:54:00.000-08:00

You precede me
into every room
i enter,
&
into every day
i see,
Lord.

is it any wonder
that
You nudge &
push
even poke me
so that i move
closer to the others
You
have made?

do we all
need something
You have buried inside
the others of us?

You know us
well, Lord.

so well.

first

2009-02-04T09:00:00.000-08:00

You are the first person
in every
relationship,
aren't You,
Lord?

You are the One
Who thought
each
of my relationships into
existence…
Who still brings
each group of us
together.

regardless of size.

or importance.

for some reason
You seem to like us
being together...
are we that needy,
Lord?

or is that the way
You
shaped us?

anything

2009-02-03T09:00:00.000-08:00

Our God
can do anything...

and He does.
every day.

it's called grace...
am i right,
Lord?

seeing #3

2009-01-04T09:00:00.000-08:00

signs of kingdom-of-God-LIFE
abound
though hidden
like a gopher in the field
always working
the hidden reality
beneath what is
easily seen.

please give us eyes
to see beneath the
sod of life,
Lord.

conformed #5 (Luke 1 & Romans 8)

2009-01-03T09:00:00.001-08:00

young…
unremarkable she was…
the young girl
who was the YaHWeH-chosen
to carry His Own Son
into our lives.

presented
with an impossible
visitor
who carried an unmistakable,
unthinkable
message…
all she could say was,
“YaHWeH’s will
is my desire…
let it be so in me.”

she showed us
Your heart in advance,
Lord.

didn’t she?